~~ 29 ~~

Jack The Beetle

I've seen this little beetle,
And I think his name is Jack.
He's a funny sorta' beetle,
Who likes sleeping on his back.

I was walking in my garden,
And I heard a snoring there.
There was Jack upon his back,
With his feet up in the air.

When I saw him laying there,
I thought that he was dead.
But, I knew I was mistaken,
'Cos, I saw him move his head.

The garden's full of beetles,
Busily at play.
There was Jack, just laying there,
With nothing much to say.

He's bigger than the other ones,
With #1C523Cs, reds and greens.
He doesn't wear a waistcoat,
And shoes nowhere to been seen.

I said to him, "Now listen!
'Cos, everybody knows.
That if you sleep upon you back,
The wind will freeze your toes."

Jack just sorta' smiled,
He said, "You are not too bright.
'Cos, when a beetle goes to bed,
They wear their socks at night."

November 16, 1997

~~ 31 ~~

Worms

Worms are friendly worms are nice,
But let me give you this advice.
If you're walking in the street,
And per-chance a worm you meet,

Just say! "Hello, good-day to you,
Mr. Worm, how do you do?
And I am well; I'm pleased to say,
It really is a lovely day."

Do not sit and have a chat,
About the weather this or that.
Or talk about the things worms do,
May-be he'll tell you something new.

It doesn't matter what you say,
Worms will stop and talk all day.
They'll talk until you're deaf and dumb,
They'll talk until your brain goes numb.

It's best to walk with out a care,
And stick you nose up in the air.
Ignore the chatter, and the talk,
Just keep going on your walk.

So remember! If a worm you see,
Shut your mouth and leave him be.
Don't stop and talk 'cos if you do,
He's sure to talk the ears off you.

November 16, 1997

~~ 32 ~~

Silly

When we are young things are nice,
So let me give you good advice.
You will have fun, most every day,
If you listen to the things I say.

'Cos if you go sailing in a boat,
Never take a billy-goat.
'Cos billy-goats jump up and down,
Then the boat may sink and you could drown.

Or if you like to fly a kite,
Don't fly it in the dead of night.
'Cos if that's something you may do,
A creepy ghost might capture you.

Or may-be you'd like to kick a ball,
Up against an old brick wall.
First make sure it's safe and sound,
Or it may squash you to the ground.

When swimming in the ocean blue,
This is something you should not do.
Feed the sharks steak and eggs,
They just might just bite off both your legs.

Or if you go walking in the Zoo,
And a big gorilla captures you.
Just be quiet don't scream or cry,
Or you may end up in his pie.

Or in the gardens you may walk,
To see the flowers and have a talk.
But remember if you smell a rose,
A bee may come and sting your nose.

And then when you're in later life,
Never go and take a wife.
'Cos listen friend this is no joke,
A wife will nag and keep you broke.

November 17, 1997

~~ 34 ~~

The Ant

I met an ant whilst out one day,
He asked me if I'd stop and play,
I said, "Ok! I'll play for sure,
I've never played with ants before."

The ant he said, "I'll get a ball,
We'll bounce the ball against the wall.
Or you can toss the ball to me,
I can catch it wait and see."

I said, "Hey ant, that is a joke,
You're only just a little bloke.
Look at me, I'm pretty tall,
And I can hardly catch a ball."

He said to me, "Give it a go,
Grab the ball, have a throw."
I picked it up and threw to him,
The ball it hit him on the chin,

The ant got crazy, he went mad,
He said, "I'm gunna' get my dad."
I said, "Hey ant don't go away,
Please come back so we can play."

His dad came back with a gun,
Closely followed by his son.
He called me this and called me that,
So I grabbed a hammer and squashed them flat.

November 17, 1997

~~ 35 ~~

Chickens

Chickens Now! What good are they?
They scratch; they peck, and cluck all day.
They really haven't much to do,
'Cept lay eggs and chicken poo.

Now! Chickens do no harm to you,
Why then cook them up in stew?
Roast them; grill them things like that,
Or fry them up in boiling fat.

So my friend, this is what we'll do,
We'll give the chickens something new.
We'll dress them up in fancy clothes,
We'll paint their fingers and paint their toes.

They'll wear sunglasses, and bowler hats,
Then we'll send them out to capture cats.
They'll capture all the cats they see,
And sell them all to ®KFC.

There are, so many cats around,
They're in the country and in the town.
They stalk the birds, then they kill,
Not for the food, but for the thrill.

You'll never find a feral chook,
No matter where you care to look.
Cats! Now on the other hand,
Should be spayed, should be banned.

So my friends just think of that,
We'll save the chooks, and cook the cats.
Cats are no good lets take a vote,
To skin'em all and make fur coats.

So now it's really up to you,
To with the cats what we can do.
So keep them home where they belong,
Or it won't be long before the birds are gone.

November 17, 1997

~~ 36 ~~

The Cockroach

Having breakfast, I was one day,
A cockroach came and he did say,
"I'm looking for some food to eat,
Can you drop some at your feet."

"Of course!" I said, "Just look at you,
You're skin and bones, that won't do.
Would you like, white bread or rye?
Or would you like, hot chicken pie?"

"Or would you like a cup of tea,
With milk and sugar just like me?
Or just a plate of steaming rice,
Chocolate pudding might be nice."

He said, "No thanks, you're very kind,
Maybe just some orange rind.
Or maybe just a crumb or too,
That would be, so kind of you."

I put the crumbs down on the floor,
I said, "Eat up, there's plenty more."
But when he turned and looked away,
I gave him a squirt of cockroach spray.

November 17, 1997

~~ 37 ~~

The Little Fly

A little fly,
It flew by.
It flew back,
Into my eye.

I said to him,
"Please little fly.
Go away or,
You will die."

He said to me,
"We'll see.
You couldn't catch,
A little flea."

I said to him,
"That, maybe true.
If you come back,
I'll squash you."

"I'll come back,"
He did say.
"And pester you,
All through the day."

He did come back,
That, was for sure.
He's lying dead,
Squashed on the floor.

Goodness gracious,
Let me see.
Now I'll go,
And find that flea.

November 17, 1997

~~ 38 ~~

The Bug Ball

Whilst walking in the bush one night,
I spied a glow, a far off light.
It was dark and it was late,
So I decided to, investigate.

As I snuck, between the trees,
I heard the buzzing of some bees.
Chirping beetles, and noisy bugs,
And the click, of beer mugs,

When I pushed the branch apart,
What I saw, near stopped my heart.
A beetle band was playing there,
With insects dancing every where.

There was hoppers, skeeters, ladybugs,
Doing the twist, the waltz the frug.
Crickets, bull-ants and march-flies,
I really couldn't, believe my eyes.

Fireflies with lights abound,
Glow-worms wriggling on the ground.
Worms and snails everywhere,
They danced away without a care.

The band it played, so mer-re-lee,
They didn't even notice me.
They danced and pranced and jumped about,
By one o'clock, they were all puffed out.

Then! I heard a rustling in the tree,
Lots of owls there, I could see.
I tried to yell, I tried to call,
But the owls flew down, and ate them all.

November 18, 1997

~~ 39 ~~

The Monkey

Golly gee, I can see,
A little monkey in a tree.
Look! He's jumping up and down,
Throwing co-co-nuts, to the ground.

He said, "Look at me, this is fun,
I hope that I can hit someone.
I'll look for animals, passing by,
I'm sure, I can hit one if I try."

A gorilla he was cycling by,
As a co-co-nut, fell from the sky.
The nut it hit him on the head,
He fell off his bike, then he said:

"Hey monkey, you come here to me,
Or I'll shake you down, from the tree."
The monkey just put on a frown,
Then started to jump up and down.

The monkey said, "You think you're tough,
Come on gorilla, do your stuff."
The gorilla shook the tree around,
The monkey fell down to the ground.

The gorilla grabbed him by the neck,
He said, "I'll fix you up by heck.
Monkey brains are good to eat,
I'll squash yours out with my feet."

"Please gorilla," The monkey said,
"I beg you sir don't squash my head.
I'll be as good as I can be,
Do not eat my brains for tea."

The gorilla said, "Its kinda' sad,
You had a chance, but you were bad.
So sorry monkey, I must boast,
I'll eat your brains on buttered toast."

November 18, 1997

~~ 51 ~~

The Rhino

I was driving down the highway
One sunny afternoon,
When I spied a rhinoceros
Blowing up balloons.

I stopped and I enquired,
And I said without a care,
"What do you think your doing,
Blowing balloons up over there?"

He said, "Well do you mind Sir!
I'm busy can't you see!
I have to be back home by dark
Or I'll miss out on my tea."

"I only came to visit
To see what it was like,
And now I have forgotten
Where I left my bike."

I said, "Well, what are you doing
Blowing up balloons?"
"You should be looking for your bike,
Don't waste the afternoon."

He said, "That's what I'm doing,
If my bike is to be found,
I'm gunna' need all these balloons
To get me off the ground."

"Then when I'm up there in the air,
It will be easier to see.
'Cos if I cannot find my bike,
The wind will blow me home for tea."

January 23, 1998