~~ 52 ~~

Tigers

I saw two crazy tigers,
In the middle of the street.
They were playing music,
And dancing to the beat.

They had their music really loud,
As loud as it could be.
But they didn't see me hiding there,
Behind that clump of trees.

They stopped just for a moment,
Put their noses in the air.
They sniffed and sniffed and looked about,
To see just who was there.

They walked in my direction,
One growled and yelled out loud.
"Who's ever hiding in those trees,
Had better come out now."

I yelled out, "Sorry tigers,
It's me, I meant no harm."
Then the biggest of the tigers,
Grabbed me by the arm.

He took me to the other one,
And said, "This is what we'll do.
Because you came and spied on us,
We'll put you in our stew."

I said that I was sorry,
I've never seen two tigers dance.
And I only stopped to have a look,
And you they kept me in a trance.

The tigers said, "That's why we do it,
We like to dance in front of trees.
'Cos it makes it real easy,
To catch someone for our tea."

January 26, 1998

~~ 139 ~~

The Log and the Frog

Once upon a time there was,
A little holla' log.
But he wasn't very friendly 'Cos,
He lived next to a croaking frog.

And every time each evening,
When log climbed into bed.
That frog it started croaken',
Giving log pains in his head.

Now log got kinda' cranky,
And yelled at frog to stop.
'Cos if he didn't stop his croakin',
Log was gunna' blow his top.

Frog just smiled and laughed out loud,
And said he didn't care.
Then he stuck his chest right out,
And started croaking in the air.

Then log he jumped right out of bed,
And raced outside to see.
That cheeky frog poked out his tongue,
And hopped behind a tree.

Then log he snuck up to that tree,
As quiet as he could be.
He reached around, grabbed hold of frog,
And stuck that frog across his knee.

Log he said, "Now listen frog,
I'm sick of it, so quiet you must be.
Or other-wise I'll get Mr. snake,
To eat you up for tea."

Froggie cried and shook a bit,
Then with a croak he screamed.
And did a backwards somersault,
Then turned a funny shade of green.

"Please Mr. Log," The froggie cried,
"I'll croak no more you'll see.
Please don't let that slippery snake
Eat me up for tea."

Poor froggie had tears in his eyes,
And said, "please log set me free.
I'll never come back here again,
Just you wait and see."

Loggie let the froggie go,
And said, "Please don't let me down.
Or Mr. Snake will get you frog,
And gobble you right down."

Loggie jumped back into bed,
And quickly fell asleep.
And dreamt about that little frog,
And hoped his promise he would keep.

But frog was rather sneaky,
He went and got his friends.
They croaked and croaked all through the night,
Sending loggie 'round the bend.

Then loggie he got angry,
He began to scream and shake.
He yelled at the frogs, "I'll be back,
With a hundred bloomin' snakes."

The log returned with lots of snakes,
Of every kind you see.
He had promised them that there would be,
Lots of frogs for tea.

The snakes they look most every where,
And they thought it was a joke.
'Cos they couldn't see or catch a frog,
All they heard was Croak! Croak! Croak!

They said, " Hey log you've tricked us,
But! We know there's frogs around.
So we'll live inside your holla' frame,
Until the frogs they can be found."

But the log he was not happy,
About what had transpired.
So log laid down upon the ground,
And decided to expire.

So! If searching for a croaking frog,
When looking please beware!
There just may be a slippery snake,
Hiding somewhere near.

So, I guess there is a moral here,
Why snakes, they live in holla' logs.
Cos' that is where they have to hide,
To catch a croaking frog.

June 10, 1998

~~ 140 ~~

The Little Bugs Shoe

I was walking up the paddock,
When I spied a little bug,
He was upset and crying,
So, I gave him, a little hug.

I said, "Now listen buggie,
What ever's wrong with you,"
He said, "I'm sad and frightened,
'Cos I've gone and lost my shoe."

I said, "I'm here to help you,"
As I put him on the ground,
"Now, show me where you've been today,
And we'll see, if, your shoe it can be found."

He said, "Well! I was-down by the waterfall,
About, an hour ago,
It was then I knew, I'd lost my shoe,
'Cos I stubbed my little toe."

The tears they swelled in the buggies eyes,
As he mumbled out these words,
"I had to hide beneath a rock,
'Cos, I got frightened by some birds."

"And when they'd gone I had a look,
And I just couldn't find my shoe,
I was really in a pickle,
I did not, know what to do."

I gave the bug a hankie,
To wipe the tears from his eyes,
I said, "Hey bug lets have a look,
You may get a big surprise."

We walked down to the waterfall,
To look for buggie's shoe,
"What colour is the shoe", I asked,
He said, "A pale shade of blue."

Well! We looked and look most everywhere,
Under rocks and up in trees,
But everywhere we looked for it,
That shoe we could not see.

I said to bug, "Are you sure,
That you wore you shoes today,
Or did you leave them back at home,
When you came out to play."

"'Cos your other shoes are missing,
Off your little feet,
Did you forget to put them on,
And got muddled in this heat."

He said he'd have to have a think,
But he wasn't really sure,
So, we went and walked to buggie's house
And found his shoes at his front door.

June 11, 1998

~~ 143 ~~

Fred the Lazy Turtle

I have this little turtle,
And his name is Fred,
The only trouble that I have,
Is, to get Fred out of bed.

Yesterday, just at eight,
I woke him up for school,
I told him to get out of bed,
And, have a quick swim in his pool.

I put his brekkie, on the table,
Hot toast with jam and cream,
Then I went back, to his room,
And, "Out of bed," I screamed.

He looked at me and rubbed his eyes,
And gave a little peep,
Then pulled his blankie to his chin,
And went right back to sleep.

Jumping up and down I yelled,
"Now listen here Fred,
Get out of bed you little beast,
Or I'll throw water on your head."

He stirred a bit and then he said,
"I really am not well,
I have a pain inside my tum,
And I can't fit in my shell."

I went to the phone, and called the vet,
And the vet came straight around,
He listened to poor Freddie's tum,
And said, "I do not like that sound."

The vet he said that Fred is sick,
"He has turtle tum you see,
You'll have to keep him snug in bed,
And give him lots of beetle tea."

I went and made some beetle tea,
And took it back to Fred,
I said to Fred, "Now drink it up,
While I freshen up your bed."

Then, under-neath Fred's pillow,
I found a piece of cake,
I found some lolls and chocolates,
And a half chewed piece of steak.

I sat on the bed, next to Fred,
And looked him in the eye,
I said to Fred, "Get out of bed,
Or I'll smack you till you cry."

I yelled at Fred, "You greedy guts,
No wonder you are crook,
You've got more food in the bed with you,
Than I could ever cook."

"Now! Get out of bed and off to school,
I don't care if you are sick,
Wash ya' face, put on your shell,
And make it pretty quick."

He moaned and groaned, wheezed a bit,
He coughed and gave a sneeze,
Then he raced out to the garden,
And hid behind some trees.

I ran and tried and catch him,
But that turtle was too quick,
I yelled at him to come out now,
Or I'd smack him with a stick.

Fred, poked out his tongue and giggled,
And blew a raspberry straight at me,
He call me dumb and silly,
And said, "You couldn't catch a flea."

I said, "You are a naughty boy,
To run and hide from me,
I am going back inside,
To make some beetle tea."

I knew, if I made beetle tea,
It would put Fred in a bind,
'Cos, if he missed his beetle tea,
He'd go right out his mind,

The aroma from that beetle tea,
Floated lightly in the air,
The door it slammed, I turned around,
And Fred was standing there.

I said to Fred, "Now drink your tea,
And stop making such a fuss,
Hurry up, shake a leg,
Or you will miss your bus."

Then, Fred got rather cranky,
And said, he was gunna' stay,
He said to me, "Can't you see,
It's Saturday today."

I looked at him; my face went red,
I said, "I'm sorry Fred,"
Fred just smiled, shook his head,
And, went straight back to bed.

June 12, 1998

~~ 147 ~~

Pete's Pickled Onions

Now here's a little story,
About a porcupine named Pete,
His house was, full of pickled onions,
'Cos that's all he liked to eat.

He had them in his cupboard,
And he had them on the floor,
He had so many pickled onions,
That he couldn't shut his door.

He'd ate pickled onions for his brekkie,
And ate pickled onions for his tea,
Pickled onions, pickled onions,
That's all there'd ever be.

Pickled onions in the morning,
Pickled onions late at night,
Pickled onions, pickled onions,
That's all he'd ever bite.

Now! His neighbor he got cranky,
With that noisy crunch, crunch, crunch,
Every time that porcupine,
Sat down to eat his lunch.

So! He decide to teach that porcupine,
A lesson one fine day,
When Pete was out, he'd gone to town,
He took Pete's, pickled onions all away.

When Pete got home from shopping,
He could not believe his eyes,
His pickled onions, they were gone,
Poor Pete began to cry.

Where are my pickled onions?
Where ever could they be?
Someone's taken all my pickled onions,
What will I have for tea?

Now the bandicoot that live next door,
Said to Pete, "It was for your own good,
You should eat the worms and white ants,
That you find in rotting wood."

Pete said, "You are a silly bandicoot,
That's what you may like to eat,
But I like my pickled onions,
'Cos they really taste a treat."

"They come in different flavors,
And in different sizes too.
They come in lots of colours,
Reds and greens and sometimes blue."

"Have you ever tried one?
'Cos if you did you would agree,
That pickled onions are the best,
Every night for tea."

The bandicoot he shook his head,
And said he never had,
Tried a pickled onion,
And then, he looked kinda' sad.

"Well then Mr. Bandicoot,
You had better have a go,
And try a pickled onion,
'Cos if ya' don't you'll never know."

"Please now Mr. Bandicoot,
Show me where to find,
My yummy pickled onions,
Before I loose my mind."

The bandicoot he said to Pete,
"They are not very far,
And if ya' let me try one,
I'll show you where they are."

"Ok," Said Pete to bandicoot,
"But you just can't stop at one,
'Cos crunching pickled onions,
Really is such fun."

They found the pickled onions,
Spread every where around,
Pete did a roly poly,
Picking pickled onions off the ground.

Pete really looked quite funny,
As he walked up the hill,
With a single pickled onion,
Stuck firmly on each quill.

When Pete and Mr. Bandicoot,
Stopped to have a rest,
Then they ate some pickled onions,
Just to put them to the test.

The bandicoot he said to Pete,
"Mmmm they taste just right,
Now I know why you crunch,
Pickled onions ever night."

So Pete and Mr. Bandicoot,
Became dining friends you see,
And ever night they would sit,
Crunching, pickled onions for their tea.

July 1, 1998

~~ 153 ~~

Frog for Tea

I had a little frog you see,
I took him for a walk with me,
He had a bow upon his head,
A car came by, and squashed him dead.

So I took him home with me,
And mumsie cooked him up for tea,
When he was cooked mumsie said,
"Let's eat him up, with lots of bread."

Dadsie grabbed, the froggies leg,
Then to mumsie, dadsie said,
"You can have the froggies tum,
And you my son, can have his bum."

Then to dadsie, mumsie said,
"I'm glad the froggie was squashed dead,
'Cos goodness gracious deary me,
What ever would we have for tea."

The moral of the story here,
Is if you have a frog that's dear,
Don't take him down the street with you,
'Cos, he may end up in your stew.

August 1, 1998

~~ 192 ~~

My Little Gecko

I had a little gecko
That lived inside my house;
And that little gecko
Was as quiet as a mouse.

But, only just this morning
When I arose from bed;
I found my little gecko
On the floor and stone cold dead.

So I picked my little gecko up
And held him in my hand;
And wondered if my gecko's life
Had gone as he had planned.

And I wondered if he prayed to God
Or did he, commit a sin;
Then I thought well bugger it
And tossed him in the bin.

January 27, 1999

~~ 193 ~~

My Little Bullfrog

I had a little bullfrog
That lived inside my house;
And my little bullfrog
Was a quiet as a mouse.

So I took my little bullfrog
One day outside to play;
That's when my little bullfrog
Just simply run'd away.

When I found my little bullfrog
He had gone and crossed the road;
And now my little bullfrog
Is squashed flat like a toad.

So now my little bullfrog
Never wanders very far;
'Cos now I keep my bullfrog
Inside a coffee jar.

January 28, 1999

~~ 200 ~~

Have You Ever Thunk

Have you ever thunk, that an elephants trunk,
Can hold gallons of water to drink;
But his poor little brain, gets a terrible pain,
When he slips and he falls in the sink.
And!

The tomcat in spring, who endlessly sings,
To the moon, whilst holding a candle;
Till a woman came out, and started to shout,
And hit the cat, cross its head, with her sandal.

And!

The dog in the park, would continue to bark,
As he chased an old maid till he caught her;
Then he dug a big hole, to plant that poor soul,
But was saved, by the gar-deners daughter.
And!

The birds and the bees, that live in the trees,
Keep buzzing and chirping all day;
Till a man and his son, come out with a gun,
So the birds and the bees flew away.

And!

The lizards and snakes, that live near the lakes,
Lay in the sun, to get warm, don't you see;
So when you walk by, don't scream, yell or cry,
If one bites you right on the knee.

And!

The toads, and the frogs, that live in the logs,
Eat mozzies, and bugs by the dozen;
And I suppose, that everyone knows,
That they eat 'em, 'cos their sick of the buzzin'.

And!

The sharks and the fish, make a wonderful dish,
It ya' catch 'em and eat 'em at night;
But you must be aware, when you're fishing out there,
'Cos it just, might be you that they bite.

Or!

If you drive an old car, too near or too far,
To the bloke that's a head on the road;
The people complain, and become terrible pains,
Then you're better off staying at home.

So don't you see, if you want to be free,
Just make up some lines, that are funny;
'Cos when we all smile, and laugh for a while,
It makes all our days, bright and sunny.

February 11, 1999

~~ 244 ~~

My Hot Water Bottle

I saw it first at Woolies,
Sitting on a shelf.
It made me feel so warm and nice,
I could not, control myself.
I knew I had to have it,
My heart began to race.
I looked up and down the isle,
As I took it from its place.
I held it o' so gently,
As I took it home with me.
And I made it hot and cozy,
My heart was full of glee.
When I wrapped it up so care-flee,
A thrill went through my head.
As I took it with my blankie,
To snuggle up in bed.

September 30, 1999