~~ 459 ~~

~~ Dorothy and Ralph ~~~

I have two little emus
That sit upon my shelf
A little girl named Dorothy
And a little boy named Ralph.

Most every day they sat there
As quiet as a mouse
They never had no real need
To go outside the house.

They'd watch TV or read a book
Or just sing a silly song
They always kept all snug and warm
And nothing did go wrong.

Then one day they saw a show
About, an outback Aussie place
Where kangaroos and wallaroos
And emus used to race.

So they packed their little lunch box
And climbed down off their shelf
And off they went, wing in wing,
Dorothy and Ralph.

They went outside into the park
And looked up to the sky
Dorothy then said to Ralph
Lets flap our wings and fly.

Then Ralph he said to Dorothy
"I don't like this flapping sound
And my little wings just ache like mad
And I'm still here on the ground.

Lets climb a tree said Dorothy
To see if we can see
That place where we are heading to
And how far it's gunna' be.

But they couldn't see too far at all
Poor Ralph and Dorothy
Because their wings were way to short
For climbing up a tree.

Their little legs got tired
From walking on hard ground
So Ralph and little Dorothy
Just simply turned around.

Their plans had been abandoned
They decided not to roam
So little Ralph and Dorothy
Headed back for home.

They were so very happy
To return back to their shelf
And they snuggled up like emus do,
Dorothy and Ralph.

June 19, 2001

~~ 484 ~~

~~~ Elephants Eggs ~~~

If, you need to bake a nutmeg cake,
Use lots of eggs for goodness sake.
Beat them, blend them, whip them too,
Until it's mixed just right for you.

The best'est eggs that you can use
Are elephant eggs in ones and twos.
The fresh'est ones they are the best,
But, you have to fine the elephant's nest.

Elephant's nests are hard to find,
You can look and look and lose your mind.
'Cos, people think it's fairly sound,
To find their nests upon the ground.

Elephants eggs; well goodness me!
They lay them up in rhubarb trees,
They build their nests high off the ground,
So nowhere can their eggs be found.

They lay at least a dozen more,
And some-times maybe twenty four.
And they sit there for a century,
On those eggs up in their tree.

Those eggs they hatch on Saturdays,
And when they hatch they fly away.
They fly away just right on noon,
Inside a he-lium balloon.

So, if you look for elephant eggs,
To bake a cake, with spiced nutmeg.
Don't use those eggs that are too old,
Or the ones that have gone cold.

Just use the ones fresh from the nest,
The ones just laid they are the best.
'Cos, the old ones are not good to eat
They're full of trunks and great big feet.

© July 25, 2001

~~ 485 ~~

~~~ My Little Carpet Beetle ~~~

I have, a little carpet beetle
That lives inside my rug,
He's a funny sort of beetle,
He's a funny sort of bug.

He smiles when I go walking
Across my cosy room,
But, he always wears a worried frown
Each time I use my broom.

He knows I'd never hurt him
Or chase him all away,
'Cos I love to see my beetle
Hap-a-lee at play.

He's always playing silly games
As he scurry's 'cross my floor,
And some times he disappears
Under my front door.

He never seems to go too far
I know he won't you see,
'Cos, he must be home by half past six
To sit down for his tea.

And then I tuck him into bed
And snuggle him up tight,
And give him an extra blankie
To keep him warm at night.

© July 26, 2001

~~ 486 ~~

~~~ Boris ~~~

Boris was a great big silly old Billygoat,
Boris had a great big long white beard,
Boris was a great big silly old Billygoat,
And his gruff was a thing to be feared.

Boris went down to the tip for his dinner,
Boris went down to the tip for a feed,
Boris went down to the tip for his dinner,
And ate what ever he pleased.

Boris ate a box of half full beer cans,
Boris drank the dregs of all that beer,
Boris ate a box of half full beer cans,
And Boris felt fright-fully queer.

Boris couldn't walk 'cos his legs they wobbled,
Boris couldn't walk 'cos his legs weren't sound
Boris couldn't walk 'cos his legs they wobbled,
And Boris flopped on to the ground.

Boris fell asleep in the middle of that rubbish,
Boris fell asleep in the middle of that junk,
Boris fell asleep in the middle of that rubbish,
And Boris just lay there and stunk.

Now! Boris is a great big bloated old Billygoat,
Boris lost his great big long white beard,
Boris is a great big bloated old Billygoat,
And his gruff will never be feared.

A tractor came and buried all that rubbish,
A tractor came, buried Boris as well,
A tractor came and buried all that rubbish,
And that got rid of that smell.

* * * *

Boris went down to the tip for his dinner,
Boris, got drunk and fell down with a splat,
Boris went down to the tip for his dinner,
And that, was the end, of that.

© July 27, 2001

~~ 487 ~~

~~~ The Zebra Stripes ~~~

There was a young Zebra, who like to eat tripe,
He woke up one morning and was missing a stripe,
It didn't concern him, not really at first,
But he wasn't prepared for the terrible worst.

Then when he woke up that very next day,
Another black stripe had faded away,
And the next and the next it happened again,
It started to put a big strain on his brain.

He went to his mumsie and started to cry,
Why mumsie, why mumsie, why mumsie, why
Do my white stripes always go, missing off me,
After I've eaten, tripe for my tea.

His mumsie said dear, she just didn't know,
But, your stripes they will change each day that you grow,
So don't be afraid and don't get a fright,
If your black stipes they change and turn into white.

That poor little Zebra got upset and confused,
With his mumsie and all of her colourful news,
He wasn't too sure of what his mumsie had said,
As it rattled around and around in his head.

What his mumsie said next came as a great shock,
It nearly made Zebra jump out off his socks,
Remember those white stripes up on your back,
If you look very closely you'll see they've turned black.

Now Zebra is happy, he's happy at play,
And he really is glad what his mumsie did say,
And he really won't bother to stop eating tripe,
Before he goes off to his bed every night.

© July 27, 2001

~~ 488 ~~

~~~ Dingo's False Teeth ~~~

There was a hungry Dingo
Who one day came to grief,
He tried to eat a porcupine
And lost his new false teeth.

He only had them in one day
To help him eat his meat,
But, now he's gone and lost them
And there is nothing he can eat.

He cried and cried, poor silly thing
For he knew not what to do,
'Cos when it came to dinner time
How ever could he chew?

He'd have to get his Barmix out
Just like he did before,
And turn his food all into soup
And drink it through a straw.

©July 28, 2001

~~ 490 ~~

~~ Why Do Giraffe's ~~~

Why do Giraffe's, have such long necks?
Well, here is one reason why,
They like to eat the sweetest leaves,
That grow next to the sky.

Or, is it because they have long legs,
And, if there necks were rather shorter,
They wouldn't reach that ground below,
To get a drink of water.

©July 29, 2001

~~ 491 ~~

~~~ Pat The Bat ~~~

There was a bat his name was Pat,
He flew like this and flew like that.
He flew around most every night,
Giving dogs and cats a fright.

But, Pat got bored of scaring dogs,
And scaring cats and sometimes frogs.
And hanging upside down in trees,
That, were full of ticks and full of fleas.

So, Pat move to a near by town,
And, looked for a place to settle down.
He chose the church's middle steeple,
From which to scare the town and people.

Pat's first night was un-event-full,
Until he saw a great po-tent-tual
For those town-folk's intro-duction
To Pat the bat and his suction.

I think that Pat he failed to mention,
That sucking blood was his intention.
'Cos, all that chasing dogs and cats,
Pat, forgot his was a vampire bat.

Pats first victim was a lady,
Who lay, beneath a tree all cool and shady,
Pat stuck his fangs into her neck,
She screamed and yelled and cursed like heck.

Up she jumped and ran along.
With, poor Pat the bat still hanging on.
She ran into a huge oak tree,
Broke off Pats fangs, and set him free.

Pat lay injured on the ground,
His head was spinning round and round.
His fangs were gone, they'd snapped right off
All Pat could do was sneeze and cough.

Pat limped home, back to his steeple,
And cursed that day he looked for people.
And he cursed that day he lost his function,
Of a vampire bat, with fangs and suction.

So, Pat went back to being Pat,
Chasing this and chasing that.
Scaring cats and scaring dogs,
And sometimes scaring old bull-frogs.

©July 29, 2001

~~ 492 ~~

~~~ The Cricket's Last Wicket ~~~

All the bugs from far and wide
Had gathered in the thicket,
Because today, it was the day
The bugs they played their cricket.

They'd picked two sides to play that game,
One to bowl at first, then bat,
And the one who'd keep the cricket score
Was Mat, the old grey gnat.

The butterflies were first to bat
The crickets were to bowl,
Two bull-ants were to referee
And the moths were crowd control.

Bill and Bobby butterfly
Were first to hit the crease,
Bill he hit the opening ball
With a wack, that broke the peace.

That ball it flew up in the air
Diss-a-ppearing out of sight,
Bill and Bob they ran like mad
They ran with all their might.

And Jim and Jeffrey cricket
They ran to catch that ball,
But they ran and hit each other
As twenty runs it was the call.

The next ball bowled was twice as quick,
It hit Bill on his pad,
LBW was the shout, he's out!
The crowd they cheered like mad.

The next ball took Bob's middle stump,
The next was caught behind,
The forth was out with out a score
And, the fifth they couldn't find.

The butterflies scored eighty-six
With some extra's on the side,
Three no balls, eleven byes
And a sol-a-tary wide.

The crickets padded up to bat,
Jim and Jeffrey were the first
With Bob the opening bowler,
Who was, about to show his worst.

Bob butterfly, he clean bowled Jim
And Jeff was next to go,
When he tried to smash a googlie
That had landed on his toe,

The other crickets batted on
To keep their score alive.
But very soon nine were out
For only eighty-five,

Two runs was all they needed now
To win that cricket game,
And if they were to lose it now,
They'd all go home in shame.

Bob, he went back to the fence
To run and get more speed,
The batsman shook and trembled
And fell on his knees to plead.

But, his pleading fell upon deaf ears
As Bob sped in to bowl,
And, when that ball it left Bobs hand
The crowd it lost control.

The batsman closed his eyes and swung
That ball, broke his bat in two,
The stumps caught fire as that ball
Went on sailing through.

It hit the keeper on the knee
And dropped him to the ground,
But the bails the stayed right in place
To keep, that batsman safe and sound.

The next ball was a bouncer
The batsman had to duck,
He scored two runs off a nick,
The bowler cursed his luck.

The scores were even-steven now,
Eighty-six runs each,
One more run, to win that game,
Was this within their reach?

A hush it fell upon the crown
As Bob, raced up to the crease,
Then, he stopped then bowled an under-arm,
And that soon broke the peace.

The crowd cried fowl, at that ball
Bowled, to that shaking cricket,
He took a swing and missed it
Taking out his middle wicket.

The crickets lost that cricket match
That was held amongst the thicket,
And the crickets won't forget the way,
They lost their final wicket.

©July 30, 2001

~~ 494 ~~

~~~ Mr. Snail's Dilemma ~~~

Here is a tail of Mr Snail,
And his dilemma he couldn't climb trees,
Or climb up a rope, or climb up a pipe,
So he went and sailed the seas.

He packed up his shell, and got on a train
And headed straight out to the shore,
There he met-a young slug, the pretty Miss Slug,
That looked destituted and poor.

She said Mr Snail, "I'm poor and I'm am Lost,
And I do not have a nice home,
And you Mr Snail, have yours on your back
To take where ever you roam".

Mr Snail he replied and said with a sigh,
"Please don't cry my pretty Miss Slug,
Won't you please come with me, over the seas,
Where I'll keep you as snug as a bug"!

Miss Slug she agreed, to go out to sea,
She'd agreed to the Snails surprise,
So they sat hand in hand on the seat of that boat,
And kissed when a wave it did rise.

And over the waves, they sailed away
To the lands that nobody knew,
And Mr Snail he would sing, to that pretty young thing
As the soft sea breezes they blew.

They caught some fish's to fill up their dishes,
With a piece of the golden'est twine,
And they sipped from glasses some Chardonnay,
From, Mr Snail's finest white wine.

And if it got chilly, and the cold winds they blew,
On the sea in the dead of the night,
They'd cuddle up close under the seat,
Till the sun it was warm and was bright.

But, Mr Snail he still had a dilemma you see,
Of that pretty Miss Slugs missing home,
And she couldn't have his, 'cos it's stuck real tight,
And it went where-ever he'd roam.

And it's too small for two, so what could he do,
A dilemma he just couldn't hide,
So he thunk like a snail, if he ate her with ale,
Then he could fit her inside.

© August 1, 2001