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~~~ The Gate ~~~
There was this bloke that I once met,
The laziest bloke by far.
He drove a rusty motor car,
And smoked a big cigar.
I'd met him in the outback,
Along a dusty track.
I'd just been way out back O' Burke,
And was in a hurry, to get back.
I had just come round the corner,
When I saw him squatting there.
He was sitting there like Old Lord Muck,
Blowing smoke rings in the air.
I said "G'day," He said "Hello,"
I replied "It's getting late."
He said, "I know, I've been here for hours,
So open up gate."
November 11, 1997
~~ 17 ~~
~~~ The Snakes Glasses ~~~
I was camped down by the river,
The snake, he said, "Excuse me,
I said, "Well there, there snakie,
We gobbled down our tucker,
"We'lI need to jog your memory,
We search and looked most everywhere,
So now I often wonder,
November 12, 1997
~~ 44 ~~
~~~ The Bushmen's Restaurant ~~~
Now here's a little story,
There's kangaroo and wallaroo,
But! When it comes to tender steak,
Casseroles are made from crocks,
I could rave and rave for hours,
December 16, 1997
~~ 45 ~~
~~~ The Bushmen's Restaurant "Song" ~~~
Now here's a little story,
(chorus)
There's kangaroo and wallaroo,
(chorus)
But! When it comes to tender steak,
(chorus)
Casseroles are made from crocks,
(chorus)
I could rave and rave for hours,
(chorus)
December 16, 1997
~~ 46 ~~
~~~ The Old Bungarra ~~~
Whilst trampin' on that dusty track, t'ween Nullagine and The Bar.
It was the most amazin' sight, I could scarcely believe me eyes.
"I've been out up on Oakover, at that place they call The Pool.
"I knew that I could catch 'em if I went about it right.
"I tied the rails with Spinifex because I had no string.
"I waited until mornin', then spread grass seed all around.
"Then I sat behind a river gum, to kept me eyes upon the gate.
"Well I guess I sorta' dozed a bit, but when, I opened up me eyes.
"They'd eaten all the seed ya' see, now flyin' it was barred.
"When I finished clippin' wings the day was nearly done.
And then he started talkin', about the trip he had so far.
He said that he was sorry but, if that I would care.
"Farewell," I said, "Bungarra," and as I watched him go.
December 17, 1997
~~ 56 ~~
~~~ Flamin' Pigs ~~~
"Pigs," he says, "flamin' pigs."
He was standin' on the corner, at the crossroads east of town.
He had a piece of timber, that he called his magic wand.
He said "I'm sorta' magic, but I do not like ta' boast,
I said, "Ya' must be crazy, if ya' really want a feed;
"Ok" I said, "I must be mad", as he handed me a sack.
I hummed and harred a little bit, and thought well what the heck.
Then he called to me to come back, he was in a screamin' fit.
I didn't stop, I grabbed me pig and took off like a shot;
February 6, 1998
~~ 69 ~~
~~~ The Bunyip ~~~
One day whilst I was walkin',
He looked a bit embarrassed,
He whistled for a moment,
I said, "How are ya goin',
He said he'd seen a sheila,
"So I thought I'd pay a visit,
"And, when I get her home with me,
I said, "You are a mongrel,
I said to him, "How would ya' like it,
February 17, 1998
~~ 101 ~~
~~~ Bill ~~~
"What do ya' think Bill," I said,
Then:
Bill walked over to where it was,
Bill brung it over, to where I was,
"May-be, we could leave it here,
Bill said to me. "Hang on a tick,
"We really don't know what it is,
Bill put it back, right on the spot,
We hadn't gone a hundred feet,
I said to Bill, "Look what ya've done,
Bill went back and picked it up,
I said to Bill, "Ya' flamin' mug,
We took it home, a bit afraid,
March 22, 1998
And was making billy tea.
I was minding my own business,
When this snake came up to me.
I don't mean to bother you.
But I've gone and lost my glasses,
I just don't know what to do."
I'm just about to cook.
Come and have some tucker,
Then we'll go and have a look."
And washed it down with tea.
I said, "Well come on snakie,
Let's see what we can see."
For you glasses to be found."
He said, "I can't remember,
But it was somewhere on the ground."
But no-where could we find.
The glasses that that snake had left,
So carelessly behind.
And could it really be.
That is the real reason,
Why, snakes can hardly see.
That every one should know.
About a fancy restaurant,
Where all the bushmen go.
The meals on the menu,
They are a great delight.
The waiters are always busy,
Serving bushmen every night.
And roasted mallee hen.
Fric-a-zee of tiger snake.
And foxes from their den.
They make pikelets out of platypie,
Served with yabbee sauce.
Their possum pies they are the best,
You have the greatest choice.
It's the only place to go.
They only have the choicest cuts,
As all the bushmen know.
Their emu steaks are bonzer,
The dingo's not bad too.
But the wild turkey's sorta' tough,
So they make them into stew.
Their buffalo is great.
Fried scorpions and centipedes,
With damper, on every plate.
Witchetty grubs, with mountain duck,
Wild honey from bush bees.
A boiled tail, from an old bungarra,
Washed down with billy tea.
About the taste of koala bear.
But I don't think you'll believe me,
Until you yourselves, been there.
They have the greatest tucker,
Of that you will agree.
They'll make you feel welcome there,
And every thing is free.
That every one should know.
About a fancy restaurant,
Where all the bushmen go.
The meals on the menu,
They are a great delight.
The waiters are always busy,
Serving bushmen every night.
So! Come and get ya' tucker mate,
Come and get ya' fill.
Come and fill ya' belly up,
And you'll never get a bill.
And roasted mallee hen.
Fric-a-zee of tiger snake.
And foxes from their den.
They make pikelets out of platypie,
Served with yabbee sauce.
Their possum pies they are the best,
You have the greatest choice.
So! Come and get ya' tucker mate,
Come and get ya' fill.
Come and fill ya' belly up,
And you'll never get a bill.
It's the only place to go.
They only have the choicest cuts,
As all the bushmen know.
Their emu steaks are bonzer,
The dingo's not bad too.
But the wild turkey's sorta' tough,
So they make them into stew.
So! Come and get ya' tucker mate,
Come and get ya' fill.
Come and fill ya' belly up,
And you'll never get a bill.
Their buffalo is great.
Fried scorpions and centipedes,
With damper, on every plate.
Witchetty grubs, with mountain duck,
Wild honey from bush bees.
A boiled tail, from an old bungarra,
Washed down with billy tea.
So! Come and get ya' tucker mate,
Come and get ya' fill.
Come and fill ya' belly up,
And you'll never get a bill.
About the taste of koala bear.
But I don't think you'll believe me,
Until you yourselves, been there.
They have the greatest tucker,
Of that you will agree.
They'll make you feel welcome there,
And every thing is free.
So! Come and get ya' tucker mate,
Come and get ya' fill.
Come and fill ya' belly up,
And you'll never get a bill.
My journey it had just begun and I hadn't travelled far.
When I saw this dust cloud loomin', what appeared to be a car.
Then I saw this old bungarra, drovin', a mob of fat galahs.
He had a ten-foot whip 'e cracked amidst the screeches and the cries.
I stopped and scratched me bloomin' head; then he spoke to my surprise.
"I'm takin' them into Nullagine, to make them into pies."
I tried to muster the Mitchells there, but they took me for a fool.
I chased 'em round for 'bout a week till I lost me cool.
Then I saw these fat galahs, and my mouth began to drool."
So I built a yard from Cork Tree, and I worked throughout the night.
To sink the post deep in the ground and to tie the rails real tight.
Then I made a gate from fencin' wire, that was just to make it light."
Then I walked around the yard, to check on everything.
And everythin' looked pretty good, I was as 'appy as a king.
Then I sharpened up me pocket-knife to cut those cockies' wings."
I'd picked the grass seed special from some grasses I had found.
I had to be kinda' careful not to make the slightest sound.
'Cos Galahs they're pretty edgy, when they're sittin' on the ground."
And I rolled meself the makins' and I laid in the shade to wait.
I thought about those pink and greys, they're the best I've seen to date.
But I couldn't 'elp but smile a bit, about their pendin' fate."
I couldn't see a bloomin' thing, but I could hear they're mournful cries.
I jumped up quick and ran to the see; and there to my surprise.
There must have been a hundred birds, so fat they couldn't fly."
So I opened up the wire gate and drove them all into the yard.
All the birds were big and fat, to catch them wasn't hard.
I clipped their wings in a flash, me work was never marred."
I sat down, boiled the billy and watched the setting sun.
Early that next mornin', I put me sway upon me back.
I opened up the bloomin' gate and got those bludgers on the track."
And all the problems he had had, drovin' those galahs.
He raved and raved for hours, my brains were nearly fried.
And he kept right on a talkin', until, "Enough of this," I cried.
To come with him to Nullagine and a meal we could share.
I said, "No thank you kindly, I'm headin' for the sun.
I have to get a few miles in before the day is done."
I thought maybe I'm pretty thick, or does everybody know.
That the pies you buy in Nullagine, and the ones from Marble Bar.
All have that secret recipe, called pink and gray galah?
He was a funny lookin' bloke, and he looked just like a clown.
He had a funny pointed hat, a beard of snowy white.
And he had a purple dress on, by gees he looked a sight.
He waved it round like crazy, and scared the ducks right off the pond.
I said "Hey listen cobber, what are you doing here?
Dressed like that, you flamin' mug, the cops will think ya' queer."
So bring to me, a big fat pig, and I'll turn it inta' roast.
Of course I'll need some pumkin, and a few spuds too,
And I'll need some big red carrots, so see what you can do."
Come around to my place, and I'll give ya what ya need."
He said, "Do not insult me Sir, I've been doing this for years.
I do not intend to hurt your pig, so have no bloomin' fear."
I went home, and got a pig, and with the veggies, brought it back.
He said, "Now listen cobber, you'd better not stay here,
The magic words I have to say, are of course not for your ears."
So I told him, if he hurt my pig, I'd break his flamin' neck.
I walked away a little bit, and let him do his best,
He waved his wand around a bit, and let his magic do the rest.
"Take ya' rotten pig away, it broke me wand to bits."
Sure enough it was true, I looked upon the ground,
There it was, the old mans wand, all broke and spread around.
But when I stopped and looked around, I saw him put the veggies in a pot.
I thought, you cunning bugger, of all the things to do;
Just to get a bloomin' feed, of good old veggie stew.
Along a mountain track.
I saw this Bunyip hiding,
With a bunch of flowers behind his back.
When he saw me standin' there.
He stuck his nose up to the sky,
And blew smoke rings in the air.
And cleared his throat to say.
"G'day to you, how are ya,
It, sure is a bonza day."
You're far away from home.
Why have you left ya' billabong?
It's strange for you to roam."
That lives, in the hills near here.
"She's got three legs, and seven toes,
And has whiskers growin', from her ears."
And pick some flowers for her to see.
That I am nice and friendly bloke,
And I'll invite her home for tea."
I'll tell you what I'll do.
I'll chop her up, in little bits,
And make her into stew."
Get back, to your water-hole
Before I get my shotgun,
And fill ya' full of holes."
If I was to chop you up for tea,"
The Bunyip raced off down the hill
As fast as he could flee.
"I'm not to sure," Said Bill,
"But I'll go and 'ave a look,"
And he did.
He picked it up with care,
He shook it a bit, then yelled out,
"I wonder who put it there."
And said, "I wonder what it could be?"
I shook me head and said to Bill,
"It's no good askin' me."
For someone else to find,
But, I think we'd better take it home.
We can't leave it behind."
I think, we should leave it here,
'Cos if we take it home with us,
It may drink all our beer."
And it don't belong to us,
So I'll just go, and put it back,
Just stop makin' such a fuss."
From where he got it from,
He gave it a pat on top its head,
And then we headed off.
Bill said, "You'd better look around,"
There it was, a followin' us,
It was wrigglin' on the ground.
It thinks you are its mate,
You'd better go and set it straight,
Before it is too late."
And brought it back to me,
Bill said to me, "Just look at it,
It's as happy, as could be."
What will mother say,
When she sees it, she will scream,
And frightin' it away."
And thought mum, she would go mad
Mum shook her head and all she said,
"Where did ya' find ya' dad."