~~591 ~~

~~~ A is for Aussie ~~~

A - is for Aussie's, 'Cos, that's what we are,
B - is for Bottler, Means, we're better by far.

C - is for Cobber, What I am to you,
D - is for Dinkum, That's, what you are too.

E - is for Euchred, When, you've broken my heart,
F - is for For Starters, We never should part.

G - is for Gone, As, Ned Kelly I am,
H - is for Hangin', On to your hand.

I - is for In Heaven, Is where you put me,
J - is for Just, As cool as could be.

K - is for Kiss, That, you land on my gob,
L - is for Lust, When, my heart starts to throb.

M - is for Mushie, The words that we say,
N - is for Nookie, That we like to play.

O - is for Oh, Let's do it again,
P - is for Pleasure, Or is it just pain.

Q - is for Quickie, When we're in a hurry,
R - is for Randy, That's better than curry.

S - is for Sexy, 'Cos, that what we are,
T - is for Trying, The back of the car.

U - is for Under, The water is good
V - is for Very, Nice if we could

W - is for Wank, When I'm feelin' bad,
X - is for Xtra, Sex when we're glad.

Y - is for You, Who I'd, get all alone
Z - is for Zip, That hides my old bone

© July 28, 2002

~~~ A is for 'Andsome ~~~

A is for 'Andsome 'cos that what I am
B is for Bootlace we cook into jam

C is for Curtains that hang in our trees
D is for Doggie that trains our pet fleas

E is for Echo that goes round a bend
F is for Froggie that is our best friend

G is for Garden where we grow our bread
H is for Hippo that sits on your head

I is for Ice-cream that drips down your chin
J is for Jackass who lives in our bin

K is for Kitten who darns all our socks
L is for Leopards who hides in our rocks

M is for Mousie who nibbles our cheese
N is for Numbat who likes to eat bees

O is O'Dear, That's what mother says
P is for Pity it's raining today

Q is for Quickly lets all go inside
R is for Rain-drops that fall from the sky

S is for Slippery when muds on the floor
T is for Turtle who sits by the door

U is for Under their shells they just sit
V is for Viscous 'cos it's me that they nip

W is for Water that's where they should be
X marks the spot where that turtle bit me

Y is for Y'ouch as I toss them away
Z is for Zero of how many will stay.

© April 22, 2000

~~~ Am I gettin' Enough? ~~~

"Are ya' gettin' enough?", He se's to me,
I said, "I'm not to sure,
But maybe I don't get enough
And I need some bloody more."

So he se's to me what I must do,
And do it straight away,
"If you ever get too much,
You should start givin' it away."

And he said "I'd be a fool
Don't look for any more,
'Cos, the bloody stuff is every where,
It's on ya' roof and on ya' floor."

"And its comes in every colour,
Yellows, reds and greens and blues,
But, if ya' get too flamin' much,
It rots ya' socks and rots ya' shoes."

"Then, ya' hair will fall out on the ground,
And ya' elbows will lock up,
And the handle it will snap right off,
Ya' favourite coffee cup."

"Then ya' ears will turn to arse-'oles,
And on ya' shoulders they'll shit,
And ya' chest-hairs will, turn into trees,
And root you all to bits."

So's, I've made a big decision,
Not to get me anymore,
And what I've got, I'll tell ya' mate,
Is goin' out the door!

© July 31, 2002

~~ 601 ~~

~~P'u ~~

How come every mornin', you start that flamin' yawnin',
And you open up your gob so flamin' wide.
That a bloody Kenworth truck, with half it's flamin' luck,
Could back its flamin' trailer's right inside.

'Cos your gobs a woppin' size, and I really am surprised,
That, it's a place a bunyip hasn't built his flamin' nest.
'Cos your flamin' teeth inside, when you open up real wide,
Smell enough to kill Australia's worst'est pest.

'Cos you pong and flamin' stink, and I'll tell you what I think,
That your backside smells much better that your gob.
'Cos you need a mouth-wash quick, before you make me sick,
And turn to me to a shakin' quiverin' slob.

It really is the grow-sus, to have hell-e-tow-sus,
'Cos, you smell like you've been eating horse manure.
And I'll belt you with a stick, if you don't see the old Doc quick
Or I'll take you down and dump you in the sewer.

Please! Go and get some help, before I start to yelp,
'Cos your really smell like somethin' I can't name.
You are a top notch root, and I think your kinda' cute,
But your breath it is a fuckin' cryin' shame.

© August 3, 2002

~~~ That Fatal Blow ~~~

They laid him out neatly inside of his casket,
He'd died from a punch in his portly bread-basket.
A boxer and fighter for most of his life,
But! he owes his demise to a punch from his wife.

It seems he was playin' and messin around,
With some shelia that lived in the middle of town.
And he never came home till late in the night,
That's, when his old women she started to fight.

She started to yellin' and screamin' ya' see,
And refused to do washin'and cookin' his tea.
She called him a bum and he'd better leave quick,
'Cos he'd already started, to get on her wick.

He pleaded and begged her to give him a break,
And cook him some chicken, eggs or some steak.
And to open a bottle of beer or wine,
And he'd give up the girl and things would be fine.

But fire and smoke came out of her nose,
As she told him to hurry and pack up his clothes.
'Cos, she wouldn't be cookin' or washin' no more,
And, told him to get out, and shut the front door.

But, he flatly and bluntly refused her to go,
And he started to yell and bung on a show.
Then he sat in his chair and turned on the telly,
And that's when she punched him, right in the belly.

© August 7, 2002